Thursday, December 29, 2016

Vulnerability the true act of bravery and courage

"We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open. You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections. In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also"- 2 Corinthians 6: 11-13

Truth about Vulnerability...

The American Culture has taught me that to share deep and personal experiences is uncomfortable for the receiver, and seen as a sign of weakness, as someone not being able to hold a firm grip in life, being thin skinned and defenseless.

Vulnerability has always been seen as a sign of lacking stability, fragility, weakness, break-ability, and delicateness. Mainly the focus with vulnerability is on the weaknesses rather than the aftermath and regaining of strength.

I had to be very vulnerable this year, in many areas of my life which I did not want to reveal. It was challenging when it came down to speaking from the heart and speaking truth. It was overwhelming when speaking about emotions and speaking about matters of the heart. However, we all come to those crossroads in our life, where we can no longer hold back what we keep inside and when we need to start pouring out our heart whether talking to a sister, a mother or the man you've shared your time with.

Getting Real...

I did it, I let it out. I told my boyfriend how I felt. I pour out my heart I said the words that I have not said to another man in 10 years. I love you. Three simple words that carry so much weight of the world and so much emotion. Three simple words that are not so simple to say. Three words that can change the course of any relationship mother to children, children to parents, friends, and man to woman or woman to man. Three words that are challenging to say unless willing to be vulnerable and willing to show true raw emotion. My greatest weakness is showing emotion and my greatest fear was him breaking up with me. But I said these words with the conscience understanding that I might not hear these words back. I had no expectation of hearing it back and should not set one up (but as a woman, I was hoping that he would, which leads to still having an expectation). I faced my challenge and my fear. This was harder than payroll during a holiday week with OT and double time. This was harder than running a mile. This was harder than cooking in the kitchen with mom correcting my every move. This was harder than eating healthy for a solid 6 months.

It was much more different than what I had imagined. He called the following day, he got sweeter as the days passed and on my birthday, a big surprise. He knew I had been looking for over a year and even before I met him. He found it for me. A tea set, but this tea set was not like any other. He bought it from a lady that had originally bought it in London during World War II. This tea set was actually from the 1920's with a tea pot, creamer, sugar bowl, 6 tea cups with 6 saucers. It was the most thoughtful, meaningful and beautiful gift I had received in my life, it literally made me cry. Not so much because it is something I wanted but because he went the distance to get me something that would have meaning to me. What I learned this day, not everyone is ready to say I love you, but saying it first sets the stepping stones towards the journey of receiving more love and opens the door for the person to build the courage to say it.

The Tea pot and tea cup with saucer, part of the tea set.

" For my weakness becomes a portal to God's power"- 2 Corinthians 12:10

Weight off my Shoulders

I feel less restrained now than before I got vulnerable. Before I felt that I shouldn't say anything because I might make him feel uncomfortable. Or that it might put pressure on him. However, if I keep "feeling for him" and keep "thinking for him" doesn't that make it co-dependent? Yes it does. If I am co-dependent to what he needs to say, think or feel then when can I say, think or feel as I want? Well I can't because I am too busy carry the weight on my shoulders and this is where I needed to set a boundary. I need to feel for me, think for me, and do for me, for the rest I need to give to God and he will take control of the situation.  I need to be vulnerable to gain strength in the lord. To be vulnerable is to be courageous. To be guarded an susceptible is to faithless, and shows no trust that God is in control and that I trust God with his plans over my life. 

God is Vulnerable, he gave us his son... 

God has shown greatest vulnerability above all else. He gave up his son to save us all. He put faith on his son that his son would do right by him to save us. God has suffered the most losses throughout history. God has been the bravest when he showed his weakness, his children that have forsaken him time and time again . If God believe all will be well showing a bit of vulnerability why do we as human push to be so guarded and closed up? Beacuse we don't want to show how vulnerable we can really get, yet in our weakness we grown stronger. 

Be vulnerable, be brave

I'm learning to be more vulnerable and more brave each day. It takes time and it takes practice. It sometimes takes speaking out truth or speaking out inquiries that would otherwise go unanswered. Overall, being vulnerable is allowing me to be more faithful in God and trust his timing. 

and this has been my Aha moment... 

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