Thursday, April 30, 2015

Control...

Control is a characteristic that we all develop at one point or another when we see lack of focus, direction or guidance. This is especially difficult to face when working with someone who lacks trust and seeks perfection in projects and functions relating to team effort. 
As time passes, the trait of control can become a character defect if not guided properly. Eventually control can overtake a person's life, to the point of having issues to work with others, accept things that they cannot change or wanting to dictate how things should unfold. Overall an egotistic workaholic nazi can develop, and the plot can thicken. Basically this is what I have learned as I have tried to break my bad habit with control.
"While I wanted to control things, I found that I was the one that lacked control in my own world..."
Proverbs 19:21 states: Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. 
Romans 8:21 States: And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
To have control is to be able to have power over someone or something, to be able to direct how things will benefit you and for your own benefit or for your own personal vision. It is the sense of wanting to feel accomplished and superior, at the same time it is the easiest way to push people away. Of course, pushing away will not do us well for many reasons... As I began to push things away in my workplace I realized this was transcending into my personal life. Eventually I realized that I did have many control issues, which is a true sign of having a lack of faith in God. Developing a sense of faith is essential when trying to let go of control. Also accepting that not all things will be perfect, God does not put us in difficult situations, we make the situations difficult when we cannot accept our own reality.  Letting go of control allows to understand and develop in many ways...
Hardship- Without hardship, we do not know how to face challenges bigger than our egos.  Difficult situations challenge our endurance, character, abilities, knowledge and our overall attitude of such situation and how to overcome the difficulty both with  drive and humility. 
Narrow-Minded- Being narrow minded leaves the challenged individual in a fog.  Only seeing one solution or limited possibilities and unwilling to to be open for suggestions or tweaking what has current developed. Other co-workers may offer some ideas, but the reply maybe "No that won't work, you don't understand," or "this is for me to solve alone." This type of interaction and mentality can affect in the long run the relationships at work. 
Burning Bridges- There comes a time when having so much control can trigger an effect on co-workers to stop trying to work with a controlling person. Gradually what use to be a "we" becomes a "me" and many individuals find themselves struggling trying to figure out why some co-workers want to work alone or exclude certain co-workers from team work. 
Anxiety-Control can develop an unrealistic fear that nothing will get done, not everyone is doing the best as they should, not all the resources are available... and the list can go on and on. The biggest contributor to anxiety is stress, stress for trying to have everything done and things taking more than expected, which can break a persons trust. Unnecessary negativity starts to form when trying to control what is out of reach such as getting information back from co-workers, missed deadlines, etc.
Trust- To be controlling is to not have trust in other co-workers, this doesn't mean there was never trust, it means that somewhere along the course of time, trust was broken. Sometimes if a co-worker does a poor job that reflects on others, or does not deliver the expected results, or misses a deadline, part of that working relationship may fracture. Gradually the individual has the sense that they need to "take charge" and "oversee" what needs to be done, because if they don't things can fall apart. 
Flaws- Having control is also a method to try and pressure for all to be perfect, no mistakes, no second guessing, all flawless work. That would be great in the ideal world, but in the real world, where there is pressure there is room for error. 
"Having some control is good, but having boundaries is better."
Boundaries are a great barrier to break control issues and to stop being co-depedent on the idea of having co-workers be submissive to your ideas, your plans, your vision and your actions. Developing boundaries is the first step for many people to have some courage within their lives and avoid having people step all over. Boundaries help to break the crutch of control and develop the need for God and accepting his will and grace. 
This has been my Aha moment...